Occasionally I review old journal entries to assess where I am mentally and spiritually compared to where I was when I penned the entry.
Why am I sharing this? Because chances are, you are in the same place now that I was then.
If you are, I am in a place now to encourage you! That’s really what it is all about.
It gets better!
God is always working for our good…so that we are better; so that we can get to a place of “rest” in Him. Our wilderness experiences should change our perspective and teach us to trust a faithful and loving Father who loves us unconditionally and only wants what is best for all mankind. Note: (Deuteronomy 8:2-5) God’s plan for leading the Israelites in 40 years in the wilderness was to humble them and for them to trust Him completely. It was their unbelief, constant murmuring and complaining that resulted in many of them not entering the Promised Land.
Journal entry on December 12, 2011…
At this moment, I’m really trying to grasp the purpose of this place. For so long I’ve been haunted by this struggle. So, I ask, is it my fault? What did I do to cause this cycle? I can imagine how Job felt to some extent. However, I must pause and say, Thank you. It’s not as bad as his ordeal of suffering. Yet, the weight of this can be so frustrating. I’m trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know You said you’d never leave or forsake your children. All I have at this point is Your word…Your promise. Will You fail me now? I know without a doubt that You are in control of my life. I know now that You own everything! I understand that You will and can provide for all my needs. So then what’s my issue? My question is when?
IT IS ABOUT YOUR TIMING! You know the needs I have. I also know that for so, so long I’ve always tried to handle things myself. I know I can’t, so will You please come quickly to my rescue?
Does my crying make You come before Your time? I think not. Is it the pity that pushes these tears through so forcefully? Probably. I admit, I feel so alone; that I really don’t have another person on earth to help me since my mother went home to be with You. I know You do not cater to pity parties, but You do understand tears of sorrow. So what do I do? Have faith. That’s what moves You to respond to my need. So, Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief! My soul clings to You!
Needless to say, my Father kept His promise! If you belong to Him, He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). HE MAKES ALL THINGS BETTER! Trust Him!